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Stop Monetizing Human Beings

a group of people in a room with a bottle of wine and wine glasses

Humans are being monetized and that’s a problem…

“He has to be a bread winner”
“Kids cost too much”
“She’s worth spending money on”

Everyone is brought down to monetary value and I don’t like that, it’s capitalist and wrong. See humans as humans and act accordingly.

Instead say…

“He has to be stable and responsible”
“Children are an honored responsibility”
“She’s worth my love and care”

I’m telling you, words change actions more than you know.

Yesterday I told you all about your worth being more than the table, and I meant that. Not only in monetary value, but in value that you bring with your mind, body, and soul. Everything is in context, we have to remember that corporations try to get over on people as much as possible, and if you know you are being underpaid by a corporation that has millions, fight for it! When valuing people in your everyday life, leave the money out of it.

I’m going to talk more in depth about this in my educational series, but monetary value in everyday conversations decreases the interaction. I know we want ambitious people in our lives, especially if we are ambitious ourselves, but the problem becomes when we are valuing that as monetary value only instead of character. I tell you this, there’s nothing wrong with wanting it all, but I’ve had friends and dates that are high value in income, that would betray you in a minute, and have no character. I have had friends that are ambitious and may not be where they want financially, but they are loyal. I had a friend that was a stripper because it helped her get where she needed to be at the time, and she had great character. Then again I have had friends that have the money and the character. I am not saying which lifestyles are right or wrong, but I am saying that character trumps all and we can grow together. The most important thing is aligning with people who are designed for your journey. I remember when I went to church, we were wrongfully taught that the only beneficial friends we could have had to be Christian as well. I had a friend at work who was not necessarily a believer, and had a contrasting lifestyle, but was a loyal and true friend that I felt peace around, one of the last friends standing when I transitioned to my African centered lifestyle. Times and situations showed that he was loyal, more loyal than any church friend I ever had, and a very supportive friend. I said that to say, you may have an idea based on outside factors who is “good” and who is not, but character stands in the times when you need the person, not how much they make, or what they believe. Now equate beliefs to money.

Corporations pay people, they can easily say that job A is worth Z amount of dollars, it does not mean that the person who fills that position is worth Z amount of dollars, it just means that they filled the position. Is the person who works at McDonalds around hot oil and high demands lazy? No. I find it interesting that people will walk into McDonalds, order food, expect it to be ready, and insult the person who works there to say “they only work at McDonalds”. If that’s the case, cook at home! Again, character trumps all, I had to realize for myself that hardworking people are everywhere, I don’t have more value because I got a master’s, even though I’m proud of my master’s, but I have value because I treat people well, I inspire people, and people overall have had great interactions with me that they value because many have said that they are life transforming (their words not mine). That has nothing to do with money. I don’t care if you work at McDonalds or the CEO of Apple, how do you treat people? Obviously when people try to bring harm your way, and you see they are no good in terms of how they move, then you stay away and protect yourself.

When it comes to relationships, I believe the number 1 reason people cannot get it together in relationships is because they are too busy matching the person with what society says success is. What happened to growing with people? Millennials are the worst with it I think, I am a millennial, we suffer between western tradition and doing our own thing. On one hand, men want to maintain power in relationships by making money and providing, and women want the same thing; on the other hand, everyone wants to be progressive, which is really taking it back to the days before patriarchy. I notice a lot of women and men struggle with it in the actual relationship. Everyone talks a good game, but in the actual relationship they cannot separate western indoctrination from what they want. That is why we hear that the number one cause of divorce is money. I think that society plays a big part in making people feel insecure in their own relationships. When a man is not making money to take care of his family and let his wife be at home, he feels like he failed the community; if a woman makes more than her man, immediately he feels useless and intimidated that society will say he’s not a man. I think all this takes away from the idea that we can build together, and what we make is nobody’s business, be a united front! People forget, and I say this all the time, that roles vary; at home I am a wife but at work I am whatever my title is, the 2 are separate, and at home I am building with my man despite what I have done at work today. Again, as I said above, corporations pay people, what does the dollar amount someone decided to pay me have to do with who I am at home? There are many parts to relationships, security is 1, but security comes in many forms other than money. You have heard of rich people who have gone broke from spending, but a person will see their wealth as a determining factor before saying that they’re irresponsible.

I believe the bleeds into how people see children. In my generation, I hear so many people refer to children as monetary only, not people, but dollar signs. How can I be thinking of a child as a monetary burden? A young person, a reflection of me with a soul and value and purpose. Yes, in this society, to take care of children costs money, but trust me, as a teacher who has worked with young children, half of the things they have they don’t need. Spoil your kids by all means, but I have seen people sacrifice rent money with my own 2 eyes to buy their child a toy. I know in life there are problems, I am not minimizing them, but even if you don’t want children, don’t minimize their precious lives to a financial burden. Trust me, I grew up as well taken care of, but my dad made me read books, play outside, learn piano, sports, road trips, and all sorts. Not all of those things costed money but created memories. When people see their children as a monetary burden, people grow up thinking they are only worth something if they have money, or they grow up thinking they can’t ask anybody for anything because they were always seen as a burden. In fact, don’t have kids if you see them that way, wait to be healed first. Again, I know it costs money to take care of your children, but that isn’t a burden they should have to bear.

We can change our view on how we see people, then deal with them accordingly. I am willing to build a life with people who have good character, ambitious, and bring value to my life in more ways than 1. How much money they make is irrelevant, as life happens, and I find the best people have brought joy to my soul. Also, we should not assume that someone doesn’t have, or has, based on what they have on or what they own. Everyone does not hold the same values and want the same thing, get to know the people, not their things.

How do you define yourself? Well, let me help you, check out Melanated Gem and empower yourself with words that describe who you are. For example, the Beautiful Headband is a reminder that you are beautiful in all forms…

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Your Worth is More Than the Table

woman in black blazer sitting on chair holding blue book

Stop accepting seats at tables where you’re worth more than the whole table…

In this society, there are corporations and entities that feel they are entitled to determine people’s worth. In this system, however, it is reflective of the violence that has taken place to make people believe that these entities have value. I mean that, none of these establishments gained their wealth by hard work, but reparations paid to them from slavery, false privilege established by violence, theft of ideas, and underpaying/undervaluing people who have contributed the greatest to society. Yes, when slavery ended, slave owners were paid reparations and their families benefitted for generations, but I will get into that later, the point is to say that the people determining your value are not moral in their analysis. This society is based on a classism that is forced, and often devalues the hardworking, by rewarding the violent and scamming. None of us know how we got here, we all just ended up here and this group of people feels they make the rules when none of us know how we get here. I make my own rules then. Listen…

I believe and fully live by the fact that I determine my worth. I had a job one time that was millions of dollars in debt, and they were blaming us for not working extra hard to get them out of debt. The debt was a result of their own misjudgments, they sold the company to a corporation that was known for mishandling their businesses, and as a result thousands of employees and students lost their jobs and education just like that in a matter of days. They were under investigation by the department of education, lost their title 4 funding (financial aid), and were left with 8 locations out of 30 around the country, this used to be a very reputable school around the country and fell within 1 year. I came in the job and was one of the top performing, but when it was time for the business to face their faults, they started blaming us. Now of course the only 2 Black women there, myself and another, challenged and wanted to get to the truth and the bottom of things. We did not sit silent and let them tell us whatever, we asked very specific questions and demanded very specific answers. I remember telling my “boss” and everyone in there, “I knew my value before I got here, and I know my value now, and when I leave my value will be the same, no job will make me feel less than.” Obviously, all the white people disagreed with me, they said it was my job to stay loyal and help the company. I said again, “I know my purpose before I got here, I know my purpose now, and when I leave my purpose will be the same, this is just a job, it does not determine my worth.” Imagine, a corporation that was scamming students, wanted us to help scam students, and misleading people wanted to make us feel that somehow it was our fault for not wanting to stay loyal and help them get out of 6 million dollars in debt. I literally never once questioned myself, and when a disgruntled employee came in and started threatening people with his loose dog (and I believe a weapon), I left that job. The environment was toxic, I was sick, and I said I don’t care what happens, I need to get out of here. Of course I was met with doubt, but again, my life is valuable because I say so and I carry myself that way. I don’t just accept seats at tables or sit at tables because someone says I should sit there, I either don’t sit, or I get up when it’s not valuable to me.

Listen; in the best job I had, the boss was fair, she valued our growth, she trusted us, and she emphasized maintaining balance. The workplace was productive, the employees were like family, and she paid our worth. It was not so hard to just be a decent human being. That is what people need to understand, if the way I’m being treated matches how I value myself, that is productive. In this society, people have been taught to just accept and be grateful for any opportunity. Especially Black people, the number one thing I’ve heard in conversations between Black people is “just be happy to have a job, it doesn’t matter, a job is better than nothing”. I always disagree because when Black people are historically the hardest working and least paid, and at a time not paid at all, then it becomes a question of “when are we going to demand our worth?” I’m the person who tells people to demand their worth, and ask for their worth, and they’ll disagree with me, that they just accept it just to get by. I’ve even been told by people so “woke”, that “this is the white man’s world and we just have to live in it”. Listen, I worked in HR and I remember this 21/22 year old white boy came in and was making $120,000 for an administrative assistant job. Meanwhile the Black women administrative assistants were making $50,000 after 10 years. Again, it is racism that has been violent, to make us believe that somehow an opportunity from a white man is more important than our worth. I remember telling you all the story about when I was working at a temporary job for a reputable worldwide company grading state exams, there were about 100 of us. I remember when it was time to submit our time, they changed up the pay on us to $2 less, I fought it. I remember the lady next to me specifically saying “you’re not Obama, sit down” and everyone around me telling me they were just going to accept it, and telling me to leave it alone. I remember skipping past the supervisor and going straight to the director, and in MINUTES, the pay was changed to the correct pay. The whole room was congratulating and thanking me, and the lady who told me I’m not Obama? She wanted to have lunch with me. LOLOLOL.

I demand my worth everywhere, if I am in the grocery store and I notice the white customer was greeted with “hello, how are you today, how may I help you?” and I’m greeted with “what’s up?”, I demand the “hello, how are you today, how may I help you?” because I can, and nobody will ever tell me not to, I am spending my money, right? I do not accept what’s given to me if it’s not what I’m worth, and if you can’t give it, I walk away. That is resistance in micro form, and it works! You just have to try.

What will you do to demand your worth today?

Listen, I created Melanated Gem to help people remember their worth all day long. Jewelry is self expression, and this is self expression with a cause. Check me out rocking the Melanecklace and the Melanated Bracelet yesterday!

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Stay the Course – Your life Has Purpose

woman running

Hello All! Earlier this year, I did a 7 day water and honey fast from February 28th to March 6th. I have actually been vegan for 38 days, and I’ll be sharing that story on vlogs I’ll be doing, but back to earlier this year. I actually didn’t plan it until I noticed my body needed a reset and I needed to do something quick. I hadn’t done a 7 day fast since 11 years ago, even though I fast intermittently, often, so I didn’t know how I was going to do. I said “let me take it day by day, and if I ever can’t take it, I’ll stop”. I started documenting day 2 with my followers on Twitter, and I thought since I put it out there, it would be great encouragement to continue. By day 3, I had lost 6.5 lbs., and I put it out there, so I decided I would continue to document it. Understand the power of the spoken word! Once you put a goal out there, and people begin to believe in you and encourage you, sometimes it can help you stay the course. Although I am more motivated by action than encouragement, I must say that for me, I need encouragement to fast. Anyway it was great motivation to have my followers encourage me along the way and if I hadn’t put it out there that I was completing this fast, I don’t think I would have stayed the course to be honest.

Well, stay the course my friends, and be sure to rejoice along the way. Each day I completed I said that I would continue on to the next day. I did not wait until the 7 days was over to celebrate. The same way we have to stay the course as a people. As we begin to unite and literally liberate minds one by one, and then join with the Global Black Diaspora, we have to celebrate every win. If we liberate one mind, let’s celebrate, don’t look at the 2000 that haven’t been liberated, celebrate the 1, and then continue. Take this work day by day, put your goals out there and then let people stay the course with you. I really believe in the full liberation of the Global Black Diaspora, so I count each and every one touched by my message with joy, and I do not ignore them, they are just as important and the thousands and millions more I will reach through my work. I will take it day by day, and if it ever gets too much, I will re-strategize. Will you strategize with me?

Society makes us feel that only accomplished goals matter, and I disagree. Every day won’t work out as planned, but be grateful that it’s still going. If you only look forward to the accomplished goal, then days that don’t go as planned will feel like failure. If you look at yourself that day and know you did the best you could, that is an accomplishment, and it makes you appreciate it much better when you reach the end goal. Celebrating actually releases some happy hormones and gives you the energy to keep going. Burning out due to over-stressing actually delays the process. If you have to re-strategize to do what you have to do, be grateful for even having the mind to re-strategize. I am not just talking big talk, I actually live this way, when a class in my webinar may have had only one person show up, I still spoke to them as if there were 2000 people listening, and I was grateful for them. I don’t ever consider myself a failure, as long as I’m still actively working, I only see myself as a winner, and that is my power.


~Ndidi Love~

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The Fight Is Not Over, We Have Already Won… #TeachMeTuesdays

black people posingfor photo

No matter how strong something may seem, if it’s meant for you to defeat it, you will – I had that thought today as I had a long battle that I eventually was victorious in. At times I thought it was over, it wasn’t; I thought it was getting tougher, no, I was getting tougher. You see, battles may come, but as long as you’re intentional, you will win. Especially as Black people, a lot of times what’s going on in society may make one think that’s it’s not worth the fight, but I’m here to tell you, when you are fighting something, it is fighting back – it WILL get bolder in its attack. Nobody reacts to “power” being taken away with ease, the fight back is expected. Never succumb to tactics used to scare you to silence, always get louder and more strategic with your approach. Each time you do, you empower a generation. Anytime we speak defeat, ie. “black people are doomed”, that is speaking your expectations. Speak clear expectations, then act on them, ie. “Black people will win in 2021!”. The fight may look harder, but that’s because that’s just how it is, as much as people play video games, you’d think that everyone has grasped that concept. Each level gets harder, not easier. It gets easier when you continue to defeat because you know that you have a track record now of victoriousness. That is how I live my life. I look at my life and don’t stress about situations because I say “I know I’ll be alright”… it’s the other people around me stressing about things I don’t stress about, and it breeds jealousy at times because people expect me to be down, and wonder how I maintain positivity all the way to victory. That is life, but if we individually face each battle, collectively we will face each battle and win, that means global wins. Everything from the small act of racism to the institutional act should be challenged as if it is the most important fight on earth. No act of racism is light considering 401 years – fight, fight, fight!

The battle is not over until you win.

Check out Melanated Gem, empowering handmade jewelry to remind you who you are during this fight.