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#SoulfulSundays – Africanity and balance between women & men…

“Strong Black woman” did not come from feminism, it’s been here since the beginning of time. Our strength is what has sustained us, and coupled with mans strength we build nations. We can be soft and healing to each other at home, and a united strong force to the world. A multifaceted woman will be all things, and her man will be the lucky person to see all sides of her – feminine and gentle at home, while receiving that masculine gentleness at home as well.

Men have been taught not to be emotional but I believe men should be able to carry and cover their woman’s emotions as well, as women have covered & carried men’s; a woman cannot bear the burden of emotions alone. Neither women or men have all the answers in their relationship, and each will need their time to be vulnerable and weak. Patriarchy is so wild that it made people believe that the gender who is responsible for life entering the world needs to be lead somewhere, where are we being lead to? Our minds and bodies have the capacity to give life, we are capable of leading in decisions as a team, just as we were leading our lives as single women (shout out to the women visionaries living unapologetically, your visions are valid and will change the world).

People have attached the word strength to a man, that is why strength is seen as masculine. There is women’s strength, and men’s strength, but together it builds nations. Clearly, men and women are physically different and have different bodily functions and energies. What happened is capitalism changed the dynamics of relationships and monetized the actions of men and women in relationships. I believe that, even men at home don’t have to be strong 24/7. Love itself is a safe place, healing place, building place, and home can be a place to be free and rest to build back up to be strong for the world.

Women and men should be there for each other according to their needs. It’s not just that men provide, African women have always worked. It is clear in how women currently run the marketplace in Africa, as well as how I witnessed the precolonial tribe of Himba women contribute to physical labor as well. Not being strong all the time does not make a man weak, I shouldn’t need a man to be strong 24/7, what are we even fighting at home? We are taking care of each other watching movies eating popcorn and strategizing/building. What you’re good at, contribute to it! We help each other. The only reason I feel some men stress they need peace and need a woman to be quiet is because he is not doing right. Women always know, just be honest & there’ll be peace. Miscommunications may happen but that’s human nature and doesn’t have to be toxic.

I’ve seen men lie and cheat, and be mad that their wife is reacting. I feel some men just want to do what they want without being questioned, and that’s not how life works. I’ve never seen a good man stress his need for peace, because he IS peace. Dear men, break from the shackles of patriarchy. Men are used to tripping on women’s emotions, but a woman who knows herself won’t let you play your silly game. Is that what you’re running from? Just tell the truth & treat a woman as a human, it may work. Yes, I have a word for women too – men aren’t machines to be overworked and looked to for all the answers.

The only imbalance between African women and men is that men haven’t learned to balance and enhance the strength of African women, and instead have tried to shame us for it. Us women have tried to shame vulnerable men and force strength, 24/7. We can be all things, and balance each other. We were all given something to contribute to the world, it’s not burdensome if we find the right people to build with. In reality, our purpose doesn’t stop, it just grows when we marry. In singleness, we all have a purpose too, so anyone in our life, friend or spouse, should add to us – our well being, mental health, and purpose, everything with intention.

I believe there is 1 true person to help us live out our vision and purpose, and others who can get close. But the 1? The visions would match and enhance each other’s, I believe. It doesn’t mean you need a spouse for your purpose, it’s just that a spouse is to enhance and not drain. Others who are close but not the 1, would just require extra effort on our part. Ultimately, the purpose is enhanced & continued with the children, I believe, and even if a wrong spouse is chosen, all hope is not lost, it just takes a lot of self correcting and intentional spiritually to get the bloodline back on track, like I did, and now I am ready to match my purpose with the right 1. I also, through my work, wish to help people find their true purpose, as I believe it is key in finding a true spouse. That is why my class Decolonize Your Mind™, helps people do just that. Everything I do is attached. Check it out!

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#SoulfulSundays – Stay the Course

Hello All! Welcome to a new week! Many of my social media followers know that I did a 7 day water and honey fast from February 28th to March 6th. I actually didn’t plan it until I noticed my body needed a reset and I needed to do something quick. I hadn’t done a 7 day fast since 11 years ago, even though I fast intermittently, often, so I didn’t know how I was going to do. I said “let me take it day by day, and if I ever can’t take it, I’ll stop”. I started documenting day 2 with my followers, and I thought since I put it out there, it would be great encouragement to continue. By day 3, I had lost 6.5 lbs., and I put it out there, so I decided I would continue to document it. Understand the power of the spoken word! Once you put a goal out there, and people begin to believe in you and encourage you, sometimes it can help you stay the course. Although I am more motivated by action than encouragement. I must say that for me, I need encouragement to fast. Living in my purpose, I encourage myself, and people join me in action to complete tasks if need be. Anyway it was great motivation to have my followers encourage me along the way and if I hadn’t put it out there that I was completing this fast, I don’t think I would have stayed the course to be honest.

Well, stay the course my friends, and be sure to rejoice along the way. Each day I completed I said that I would continue on to the next day. I did not wait until the 7 days was over to celebrate. The same way we have to stay the course as a people. As we begin to unite and literally liberate minds one by one, and then the Global Black Diaspora, we have to celebrate every win. If we liberate one mind, let’s celebrate, don’t look at the 2000 that haven’t been liberated, celebrate the 1, and then continue. Take this work day by day, put your goals out there and then let people stay the course with you. I really believe in the full liberation of the Global Black Diaspora, so I count each and every one touched by my message with joy, and I do not ignore them, they are just as important and the thousands and millions more I will reach through my work. I will take it day by day, and if it ever gets too much, I will re-strategize. Will you strategize with me?

Society makes us feel that only accomplished goals matter, and I disagree. Every day won’t work out as planned, but be grateful that it’s still going. If you only look forward to the accomplished goal, then days that don’t go as planned will feel like failure. If you look at yourself that day and know you did the best you could, that is an accomplishment, and it makes you appreciate it much better when you reach the end goal. Celebrating actually releases some happy hormones and gives you the energy to keep going. Burning out due to over-stressing actually delays the process. If you have to re-strategize to do what you have to do, be grateful for even having the mind to re-strategize. Find the grateful in everything, and deal with issues accordingly. We accomplish much more with gratitude through the process. I am not just talking big talk, I actually live this way, when a class in my webinar may have had only one person show up, I still spoke to them as if there were 2000 people listening, and I was grateful for them. I don’t ever consider myself a failure, I only see myself as a winner, and that is my power.

Amen!

~Ndidi Love~

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This is for the Extroverts: #ThrowbackThursday… What Was I Thinking?!

Hello All! Welcome to the 2nd edition of Throwback Thursday on the new blogging schedule. This is the 1st Thursday of the month where I share a throwback post and explain what I was thinking during that time. This is for the Extroverts was written at a time of extreme peace in my life, and I am still experiencing that peace, not a nagging feeling that someone is plotting against me like Judas. At the time I had eliminated so many people, places, and things, and refocused. I began a period of solitude that was necessary to refocus on my purpose. That solitude as I’ve talked about many times was revealed through the stories of Joseph, Ruth, Moses, and Jesus 40 days fast in the bible, also greats like Nelson Mandela and Marcus Garvey. The conclusion of these was that people with callings must find themselves by themselves for a period of time to test their actual faith and sharpen their gifts. I am grateful for that time, as I was sharpened and I depended on faith alone, that is why I don’t care what anyone calls their faith, I call my faith the faith of the ancestors. Faith brought me to the point of no worry, til’ this day, and even when the pandemic started I had no worry, it is a time I had waited for, and had been prepared for through the period of solitude; a shift in the history of the world. If I had skipped all that is mentioned below, I would have been shaken up, I wasn’t, I just continued in my purpose. I teach my fellow Melanated Gems how to do the same through my Dear Black People Webinar Series that starts again at the end of this month, it also looks different for everyone, I talk about that too. However, this is for the extroverts with a gift that need to set boundaries. People will be drawn to our gifts, but they may not have the capacity to give back. It’s the story of Black people, so giving, but we haven’t gotten back a slither of the love, gifts, inventions, wealth, resources, and everything else that we’ve given the world. We have to as a people find ourselves in solitude until we can properly set up boundaries and interact normally with others again, just as it happened in my life, AMEN! Enjoy below!


1. Define your Gift

2. Conserve energy & pour that energy into the gift

3. Identify people that align with your gift

4. Create boundaries & build solid friendships with those who meet those boundaries, in alignment with the gift.

I put a lot into myself this year and last year more than ever and the results have been extremely beneficial. The reason is because as an extrovert, I spent a lot of time pouring into people, praying for people, motivating people, and being an extremely good friend; people start depending on that, to the point where I’d be drained and didn’t have enough time to pour all that into myself. By the time it was my turn to be filled up people would be nowhere to be found. I spent hours consoling people, motivating them, and praying for them with them not being able to do the same. Now trust me, I’ve had extremely good friends, about three in my entire life. When I say good friends, I mean people who would do for me just as I would do for them and we didn’t offend each other in a way that was intentional; we barely even made each other mad, in fact – never. Everything that we didn’t understand about each other we just talked out. But as an extrovert, getting older, more involved and active in various communities and causes, I found myself being surrounded by people who were drawn to my abilities but not concerned about me. & this is not something I’m making up; elders, professors, church leaders, & bosses in the workplace have always told me that I am a visionary with great ambition; always having a plan, ready to get things done, but people don’t have the same motivation as me, so I need to be careful. One church elder specifically said “people will use you because of your gift so you have to be careful.”

I am saying all of this for a reason, we have to know ourselves, and we have to know who’s around us. 2018 was my last year being social; I went to a few weddings but for the most part I poured so much into myself. This year, 2019, I have been rarely social; my phone has been so dry, & I’ve been at peace. I decided to cut off all energy from all sources and let things naturally gravitate. I haven’t been quick to contact anyone, except for when I am strongly led to open up communication. Other than that most communication that I’ve had has been incoming. I deleted 90% of my numbers just to see which people would stay in contact and which ones would not, because nobody can ever say that I lack communication, so at that point I was deleting numbers I knew I did my part. I take my life extremely seriously because I can’t afford to not be in alignment with my life goals all due to being connected with the wrong people. & as I always say, just because they’re not meant for me doesn’t mean they’re bad people.

I’m not afraid to be by myself, because I asked God to teach me what to do with my time. As an extrovert at times I get bored, but I have enjoyed this rest and just pouring back into myself in a way like never before. I’m telling this story because it is highly important for us to get serious about the people in our lives; we seek peace, & we have so much energy coming in that we never know what is distracting our peace. Understand that in a world where the majority are followers & few are leaders, strong boundaries have to be set to protect our peace & not be led astray. Understand this is context: all that praying, all that motivating, all that consoling I did for others I really needed to do for myself, & the lack of peace I experienced was because I had too many ppl extracting from my gift. Lack of peace is not fun, it’s draining. I decided that if I’m going to counsel I’m going to get paid to do it as a job and not just for anyone who thinks I have all the time in the world to give them. I said all that to say, as an extrovert, as a leader, as a visionary; conserve your energy. Be kind to everyone, be social when need be, but pour that energy into yourself, your gift & the mutually beneficial relationships that feed you.

🖤💛🖤💛

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Jumping the Broom, no, Crossing the Sticks? Or Both! #Throwback Black History Month Post

Hello All! This blog post featured below is probably the shortest blog post I’ve ever written, but not much explanation was needed. I’ve often had to challenge myself when it comes to Black history. Something that seems so small usually means something so big, but the narrative having been watered down doesn’t always allow us to fully appreciate it. Just as any other culture who has customs, when it is told in it’s original form, not downplayed by outsiders, it can be authentically passed down to generations. Well, considering the great value Africans held for nature, I am pretty sure this crossing sticks custom held much more meaning outside of slavery, but when that communication was cut off, we had to reinvent many traditions, however, we’ve always found a way to remain African. That is why for us specifically, who have had our cultures robbed and forced to replace with others, being African is in spirit! I remember once meeting a woman who had love for basketweaving, and she told me that once she did her ancestry test, she found out that the tribe she is a descendant of from in Ghana was famous for basketweaving. I mention this because, melanated gems, we may have love for something that may mean so little to those around us, but it tells a greater story of our ancestry than we ever knew. Wow! This excerpt is longer than the original blog post, enjoy below!

CULTURE TUESDAYS

We’ve all heard of the wedding tradition of jumping the broom, but what about crossing sticks? Crossing sticks is a tradition that dates back to the slavery era where African-American couples demonstrated their commitment by crossing tall wooden sticks. Crossing the sticks, represented the power and life force within trees which, for the couple, symbolized a strong and grounded beginning.

❤️