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Love Sustains All

Love sustains all. Whether it’s politics, economics, or community, anything done for people must be done out of love for the people. Or else at the sign of trouble, it can be taken away, and given up on.

I see so many people saying that we need this and that for liberation, I rarely hear love. Our people are hurting, whether they’re happy or not, the affect of trauma on our Global Black people has us hurting. We need love. People are sustained by love, people are pushed by love. Being encouraged by someone who loves you can take you to the next level, where someone who falsely encouraged you couldn’t take you. Loves moves, love uplifts, and the reason we were taught to hate each other (diaspora wars, colorism, etc) was so that it would be hard to love each other. Love would lift us up faster than any politics would, and even push us towards politics that are best for us.

Everything you do, do in love.

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Black Love is Necessary

When two Black people love each other in a purpose filled way, it is literally breaking a generational curse. At one point in this country, it was illegal for Black women and men to marry each other, and it broke something in us at the time. The thing is, all ethnicities prefer their own, the only people who are told it is racist to love their own is Black people. I remember having a white Colombian roommate telling me she doesn’t like Black guys, I agreed, I didn’t like her men either, we were cool as heck, how can I be mad that she loves her own men? I even remember my Asian undergrad students when I was a writing lab instructor, they told me they only dated Asian men, I was like, “that’s what’s up!” Everyone wants to create a family in their image, it’s normal.

Black love is special, though. We are changing the trajectory of our bloodlines and legacies by creating Black families. Black families, means Black children; and that’s the point – legacy is not just money or a business, it’s the life you leave and the legacy you leave in other human beings to carry on. That is why I focus on purpose in relationships. When you move with purpose, and your partner does too, you care about more things than just who is “alpha” and “pick me”, you care about legacy and how that legacy is going to shine in your children and generations. Hello! We are building a nation, a nation of strong survivors, it’s time to leave the little things behind and really start thinking about what the new Black legacy is going to look like. We have the opportunity to be that legacy and change the trajectory of everything happening right now. Choose a Black love that’ll last and outlast any negativity going on. Thank you!

Well, we came up in a time where we didn’t see the best for Black people. Diaspora wars and division made it difficult, but we lasted, now people are waking up. Imagine creating a family that can live out what we missed, a little brown face that can enjoy her Diaspora sisters and brothers in harmony. They walk up to each other and greet each other in love – we can only create that with Black love. I don’t know about you but, I want a daughter just like me. Brown like me, loud like me, warrior like me, and pretty like me. She’ll be uplifting her toddler sistren and brethren while I uplift their parents. Can you imagine? I can only creat that with Black Love.

Black love is the only way for where we’re going. Black love is a necessary love.

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Pick Me Pick Me Simp Me Simp Me!

Hello all, I want to bring this topic back, by the way, did you watch our first podcast episode about social media’s impact on family? Check it out here!

About this pick me vs feminist debate, let me define it for you. A “pick me” is a woman that apparently agrees with everything that a man says they should be and in turn get “picked” to be in a relationship. Examples include – 1. Doing everything your man says, shutting up and being his peace, have everything done for him by the time he gets home, letting him lead, etc. Apparently if you’re not a “pick me”, you’re a feminist. A feminist is someone who fights for women’s rights, wants equality with men, and doesn’t believe in traditional roles. A “simp” is a man who does everything for his woman, spends all his money, listens to her, etc. Apparently if you’re not a “simp”, you are an alpha male. An alpha male is someone who is dominant, “aggressive”, takes charge, exerts authority over his woman, etc. that’s my understanding and I believe most people who read this will be able to pick up on the ideas here. Here’s my thing…

There’s an assumption that if you’re not one, you’re the other. There’s an assumption that a woman who disagrees with being quiet for her man and only speaking when he asks her to is a feminist. From all my analysis, this is what I’ve noticed. I often talk about living in extremes, and this, my friends, is an example of living in extremes and not having balance. What if you’re just a boss Empress doing her thing and making a lasting impact in the world with her man? Is there room for women and men who balance each other out and work together? Still understanding their separate genders, but not allowing it to cause friction?

I always say, I was given a clear purpose on this earth. Anyone I get with and marry is going to be a partner in helping me reach that goal, and vice versa. That is what I like about my current relationship. I believe we are to be to each other what we need, and not focus so much on what the outside world says. The same way I am an individual, my relationship is going to be it’s own separate entity apart from everyone else’s. We each have our own successes, traumas, bloodlines, fears, backgrounds, that make us unique. Whether or not I displayed feminist or pick me qualities, can I be what my man needs for his personal traumas? That is more important to me. How do we mesh, and is how we mesh going to be present in our children? How about our bloodlines, will us coming together make the next generation better? Are we sending whole or broken children into the world? Hey listen, we have to start thinking deeper if we are going to make progress as a community in relationships. Everyone can say what they’ll be, but when those real life situations come up, everyone will do what’s best for them.

Obviously I’m a woman, I have breasts and a reproductive system that is active. All parts of my body work together and not apart, to solidify the gender that I am. To me, that’s enough for me to be feminine. Obviously there are traits that have been visible for thousands of years that separate men from women outside of biology alone, but the way people are defining femininity and masculinity these days is very face value. If he has a tight shirt on with muscles and making money then he’s a real man. If she has heels on and is very quiet and follows a man wherever he goes that’s feminine. That, to me, is ridiculous. In ten years, I will not be the same person, I’ll have the same character, but I’ll have children, a generational business, and a different outlook depending on the events of the world. We have to get with people we really see ourselves with because people will change and grow, from size, to career, to anything. We should want to contribute to that growth and not put it in a box.

Why am I saying all this? Because as we communicate our needs let’s be real about what we need. If a man asks you what you need and you say healing, then that’s what you need. Your definition of what you need doesn’t have to be based on society, ex. “I need a strong man who makes this amount of money”. If he does, fine, nothing wrong with that, but you are sure that you need healing and you want the relationship to help facilitate that, can he be a safe space for you?

Just look at all parts of a person is what I’m saying.

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Confidence Builds, Hate Tears Down #ForwardFridays

attentive young black groupmates using laptop while preparing for exams with anonymous teacher

I can 100% promise that anyone who is hating on what you’re doing is not doing anything themselves, and if they are doing something, they are not happy with what they are doing. I am 100% sure of that because confidence builds up others, always.

There is no way that a person who is happy with themselves has the time or thoughts to think negatively of others. Trust, there is a difference between matching negative energy and just being negative. There are some people who can wish evil on you because they are jealous, I actually had someone wish that on me before and admit they were jealous. She looked stupid because everyone around noticed and was unpleased with her behavior, but because her energy was so evil, I matched it in spirit, and she did not get away with that nonsense. That is different from actively negatively wishing evil on people. I actually am serious when I say, I believe in and see the good in everyone. I can feel evil, yes, but ask anyone who knows me, I am always trying to get people to see the best in themselves, because I see the best in myself. People have this perception, especially in America, that positive people are trying to cover up something. One of the main reasons I hate this society is because good is seen as evil, and evil is seen as good. I can go to Africa, experience genuine positivity where people actually compliment me and speak life into me all day, and it’s not for any ulterior motive. For example, anytime I’m in Nigeria, all day literally I’ll be receiving prayers, uplifting, and obviously Nigerians are more blunt with their opinions, but it’s not the same hateration that happens here in America. Even when I was in Namibia, I had the same experience; people compliment each other, speak life into each other, and there is not as much tension. I remember one day I fell down awkwardly, and in America, I’m used to people around laughing so I literally expected people to laugh at the way I fell. People gathered around me and it was a family affair trying to help me up and making sure I was ok. I honestly didn’t expect it, and I realized that, that is where my African spirit comes from, I feel more at home in Africa where my happiness and care for others is normal.

It is only in America where my happiness is seen as some deficit. Or people think confident people are really masking some type of pain. That is the difference my dad made people, because he, as a person raised in Nigeria, spoke life into me all the time, made sure I believed in myself, told me all the best things about myself, and I carried that into my everyday life. So I really am confident, and even in life’s struggles, I have an overcomer mentality. The difference is, I instill that into others. I often tell people that the reason I had so much success with my students is because I believed in them wholeheartedly. I didn’t look at them as some disadvantaged kids, I didn’t even listen to the analysis by school social workers and administrators. With my students, whatever was told to me that can’t be done by them, was achieved with me. All that other “save the Black children” nonsense was background noise. Those are my kids, and if I have the confidence, they will too. I don’t understand the need to break everything down scientifically. The human mindset is simple, yet people make it so complicated, then they teach our children with these low standards and expectations based on some useless scientific analysis, and wonder why the kids are not exceeding their expectations. I set high expectations for the students and people in my life, and I walk through it with them. If there are children who need a different approach or have a different learning style, I pick up on that; I promise it’s not that hard if success is your goal and not meeting some low, state administered standard for “disadvantaged” children. Life really needs that, people who walk with us, not people who stand over there and expect us to catch up.

So if a person is truly confident, it will show in their interactions with others I believe. If the confidence reminds other people of what they are not doing or achieving, my friends, that is projection. The first step to confidence in my opinion is understanding your purpose and accepting it. I understand my purpose, I accept it, and I don’t see success as something over there in the future; I am successful now because I work towards and in my purpose every single day. Anyone who comes into my life benefits from that, I help in ways I can, and if I have nothing to contribute monetarily or physically, I give my words and true support. Unless you are harming someone, every idea is good and realistic in my eyes. It came to you for a reason, it is not dumb, or silly or redundant, it is yours. That’s why nobody can literally tell me anything I do is not good, unless you have suggestions that help it grow, it is noise. The number one people who have unnecessary feedback are people who are not following their own dreams. This is 100% money back guarantee, any useful person is a person who acts on their faith and ideas just as you do.

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