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Pick Me Pick Me Simp Me Simp Me!

Hello all, I want to bring this topic back, by the way, did you watch our first podcast episode about social media’s impact on family? Check it out here!

About this pick me vs feminist debate, let me define it for you. A “pick me” is a woman that apparently agrees with everything that a man says they should be and in turn get “picked” to be in a relationship. Examples include – 1. Doing everything your man says, shutting up and being his peace, have everything done for him by the time he gets home, letting him lead, etc. Apparently if you’re not a “pick me”, you’re a feminist. A feminist is someone who fights for women’s rights, wants equality with men, and doesn’t believe in traditional roles. A “simp” is a man who does everything for his woman, spends all his money, listens to her, etc. Apparently if you’re not a “simp”, you are an alpha male. An alpha male is someone who is dominant, “aggressive”, takes charge, exerts authority over his woman, etc. that’s my understanding and I believe most people who read this will be able to pick up on the ideas here. Here’s my thing…

There’s an assumption that if you’re not one, you’re the other. There’s an assumption that a woman who disagrees with being quiet for her man and only speaking when he asks her to is a feminist. From all my analysis, this is what I’ve noticed. I often talk about living in extremes, and this, my friends, is an example of living in extremes and not having balance. What if you’re just a boss Empress doing her thing and making a lasting impact in the world with her man? Is there room for women and men who balance each other out and work together? Still understanding their separate genders, but not allowing it to cause friction?

I always say, I was given a clear purpose on this earth. Anyone I get with and marry is going to be a partner in helping me reach that goal, and vice versa. That is what I like about my current relationship. I believe we are to be to each other what we need, and not focus so much on what the outside world says. The same way I am an individual, my relationship is going to be it’s own separate entity apart from everyone else’s. We each have our own successes, traumas, bloodlines, fears, backgrounds, that make us unique. Whether or not I displayed feminist or pick me qualities, can I be what my man needs for his personal traumas? That is more important to me. How do we mesh, and is how we mesh going to be present in our children? How about our bloodlines, will us coming together make the next generation better? Are we sending whole or broken children into the world? Hey listen, we have to start thinking deeper if we are going to make progress as a community in relationships. Everyone can say what they’ll be, but when those real life situations come up, everyone will do what’s best for them.

Obviously I’m a woman, I have breasts and a reproductive system that is active. All parts of my body work together and not apart, to solidify the gender that I am. To me, that’s enough for me to be feminine. Obviously there are traits that have been visible for thousands of years that separate men from women outside of biology alone, but the way people are defining femininity and masculinity these days is very face value. If he has a tight shirt on with muscles and making money then he’s a real man. If she has heels on and is very quiet and follows a man wherever he goes that’s feminine. That, to me, is ridiculous. In ten years, I will not be the same person, I’ll have the same character, but I’ll have children, a generational business, and a different outlook depending on the events of the world. We have to get with people we really see ourselves with because people will change and grow, from size, to career, to anything. We should want to contribute to that growth and not put it in a box.

Why am I saying all this? Because as we communicate our needs let’s be real about what we need. If a man asks you what you need and you say healing, then that’s what you need. Your definition of what you need doesn’t have to be based on society, ex. “I need a strong man who makes this amount of money”. If he does, fine, nothing wrong with that, but you are sure that you need healing and you want the relationship to help facilitate that, can he be a safe space for you?

Just look at all parts of a person is what I’m saying.

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This is All African Culture!

man taking photo of brown decorative speaker

Hello my beloved Melanated Gems, I am so happy to have you here, I really am. I wanted to talk to you all about culture. Culture is a beautiful thing, because of culture, we are here, we come together via culture. I am talking to Black people here, because our culture is so complex that it can be political and entertaining and revolutionary at the same time. Others come and steal it, and copyright it, but it’s never the same as the original. Anyway, the purpose of today’s post is to get a little deeper, I want to move into the diaspora, and away from the African continent really quickly.

Away? Not too far away. You see, I hear people all the time talking about Jamaican culture, and African American culture, and (insert African diaspora name here) culture. What I want to say is, it is all African. Cultures evolve right? People evolve, societies evolve, and everything is built on the last to grow. A custom that was replicated in Georgia by an enslaved African and passed down to the Geechee’s is still African, does ones’ lineage change just because they are in a different land? We’ve become to attached to the physical that we ignore the spiritual. There are traits that my mom says I have that my grandmother had, although I didn’t grow up with her. Yes, I knew her and spent time in summers with her, but in her elderly age. Listen to this… One day I was home, and I put lipstick on and got dressed up, my mom was like “where are you going?” I stated that I am not going anywhere, I just want to look good. She said “my mother used to do that, she would put on lipstick and we would say “ma where you going?”, and she’d reply, “nowhere, I just want to look good in my house””. I’m saying that, location does not change the origin, just because it’s replicated in a different place. When I see a Trinidad carnival like I wrote about in this blog post, although the carnival is happening in Trinidad, the concept came from enslaved Igbo Africans and is actually an Igbo Masquerade. Sure, the language being spoken is slightly different, but it’s the same dang ceremony. The one reason colonizers made you take on thier names is to make them your god and not identify with yourself. They want you to believe so bad that your culture is unique to their plot of land, but it’s African. What do colonizers have to do with this? They gave the names away. They replaced cultures and tribes with names of regions, then they took what was African and placed it in their British museums. What do I tell you all? Demonize then copy is the European way. What does this have to do with anything? becuase it’s the reason people are not identifying their traditions with Africa.

Everyone wants to claim that their culture is a fusion, a fusion of what may I ask? If you are in parts of the world where let’s say, Asia meets Africa, I understand, but land that we were brought on, we only had each other, we survived on our skills alone, nobody taught us anything, we were brought here for the exploitation of our abilities. Anything else we may have “adopted” is limited honestly, the Europeans have no claim to any culture. Yoga is Asian, and everything Europeans do that is popular is always credited to another culture. We have to face the facts here, we have survived and thrived with our cultures, and it became the dominant culture. Am I saying everywhere we are is African? No. I’m saying we bring Africa everywhere we go. The mother of all nations, is powerful. That is why all these comedians who highlight black culture are always relatable, no matter where the person is from, because a lot of black people have lived the same life culturally, even if different demographics and incomes, the culture has remained consistent. With social media, I have read a lot of comments and people from across the diaspora have related to a lot of videos that represent other parts of the diaspora where they are not from. Heck, I grew up with parents from 2 different parts of the diaspora, and I saw more similarities than differences, why I even started this blog.

The first car was based on the ideas that the person who created it had at the time. Now we have cars that speed up to 100mph as soon as you put your foot on the gas. Cars have AC now and cruise control, you get? With Africans, many of the lands we are on is forced via brutal enslavement by Europeans, I can imagine that, just like cars, all the customs we had have evolved over time. I often ask myself; if the enslaved Africans were the ones plotting the land, servicing and fixing everything, the labor work, then how is it that white people make claim to all these inventions? Well we know by now that many Africans were not given the right to own patents, the colonizers took claim of the inventions of Africans they “owned”. We know the traffic light, iron, and the “Jenny Coupler” that holds trains together were invented by enslaved Africans. Let’s face it, we were the ones that had to figure everything out because we were impacted by the work, we needed it to be easier for us. What you see now is a replication of slavery, the highest paid people are not doing any labor, they are just giving orders, while the lowest paid people are flipping burgers while being insulted. There is nothing new under the sun.

We must reclaim our Africanness and stop trying to attach it to every other culture. Colonizers intentionally wanted us to hate our cultures, so I notice people are not quick to give credit to Africa and instead try to find it in another culture. Everyone is Quick to say “I’m part native American” Instead of, “I’m 85% black”. Credit is always given elsewhere and I believe it’s us trying to latch on to something because Africa has been painted in such a negative light. Africa is exciting and everyone who goes, their lives are changed. You’ll fit right in because, that’s where your spirit is from!

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First Podcast Episode is Now Live!!!

Hey y’all! Check out our first episode of the Black Cabinet Podcast featuring myself, Ndidi Love, and Larry With the Robe On. We started off with a topic that’s important to us, family!, and the impact social media has had on family. We keep it real and respectful, so we ask that you have respectful dialogue with us! Give us feedback and let us know what you think, and subscribe!

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Subscribe to the Black Cabinet Podcast!

The Black Cabinet Podcast featuring myself, Ndidi Love, and Larry With The Robe On is sure to bring truth, controversy, solutions, and fun! on a range of Black issues, and solutions! First episode is uploading on Thursday, watch the trailer, like, comment, and subscribe!

https://youtube.com/channel/UCt_POVXSSLe37ncwUwTnTCw