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Pick Me Pick Me Simp Me Simp Me!

Hello all, I want to bring this topic back, by the way, did you watch our first podcast episode about social media’s impact on family? Check it out here!

About this pick me vs feminist debate, let me define it for you. A “pick me” is a woman that apparently agrees with everything that a man says they should be and in turn get “picked” to be in a relationship. Examples include – 1. Doing everything your man says, shutting up and being his peace, have everything done for him by the time he gets home, letting him lead, etc. Apparently if you’re not a “pick me”, you’re a feminist. A feminist is someone who fights for women’s rights, wants equality with men, and doesn’t believe in traditional roles. A “simp” is a man who does everything for his woman, spends all his money, listens to her, etc. Apparently if you’re not a “simp”, you are an alpha male. An alpha male is someone who is dominant, “aggressive”, takes charge, exerts authority over his woman, etc. that’s my understanding and I believe most people who read this will be able to pick up on the ideas here. Here’s my thing…

There’s an assumption that if you’re not one, you’re the other. There’s an assumption that a woman who disagrees with being quiet for her man and only speaking when he asks her to is a feminist. From all my analysis, this is what I’ve noticed. I often talk about living in extremes, and this, my friends, is an example of living in extremes and not having balance. What if you’re just a boss Empress doing her thing and making a lasting impact in the world with her man? Is there room for women and men who balance each other out and work together? Still understanding their separate genders, but not allowing it to cause friction?

I always say, I was given a clear purpose on this earth. Anyone I get with and marry is going to be a partner in helping me reach that goal, and vice versa. That is what I like about my current relationship. I believe we are to be to each other what we need, and not focus so much on what the outside world says. The same way I am an individual, my relationship is going to be it’s own separate entity apart from everyone else’s. We each have our own successes, traumas, bloodlines, fears, backgrounds, that make us unique. Whether or not I displayed feminist or pick me qualities, can I be what my man needs for his personal traumas? That is more important to me. How do we mesh, and is how we mesh going to be present in our children? How about our bloodlines, will us coming together make the next generation better? Are we sending whole or broken children into the world? Hey listen, we have to start thinking deeper if we are going to make progress as a community in relationships. Everyone can say what they’ll be, but when those real life situations come up, everyone will do what’s best for them.

Obviously I’m a woman, I have breasts and a reproductive system that is active. All parts of my body work together and not apart, to solidify the gender that I am. To me, that’s enough for me to be feminine. Obviously there are traits that have been visible for thousands of years that separate men from women outside of biology alone, but the way people are defining femininity and masculinity these days is very face value. If he has a tight shirt on with muscles and making money then he’s a real man. If she has heels on and is very quiet and follows a man wherever he goes that’s feminine. That, to me, is ridiculous. In ten years, I will not be the same person, I’ll have the same character, but I’ll have children, a generational business, and a different outlook depending on the events of the world. We have to get with people we really see ourselves with because people will change and grow, from size, to career, to anything. We should want to contribute to that growth and not put it in a box.

Why am I saying all this? Because as we communicate our needs let’s be real about what we need. If a man asks you what you need and you say healing, then that’s what you need. Your definition of what you need doesn’t have to be based on society, ex. “I need a strong man who makes this amount of money”. If he does, fine, nothing wrong with that, but you are sure that you need healing and you want the relationship to help facilitate that, can he be a safe space for you?

Just look at all parts of a person is what I’m saying.

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#WordyWednesdays – NEW BOOK of Poems available!

Hello All! Well, my NEW BOOK of poems is available to purchase! I updated it with all the poems you all like the most, and you can see the evolution of my mind over a decade. Thank you so much to all of you who expressed interest in my poems, now you can enjoy them all in one! Please support, and let me know which one is your favorite, you can support, here!

Thank you so much!

~Ndidi Love~

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Poetry!!! #WordyWednesdays

Hello All! Today’s poem was one I wrote about a relationship between a man and a woman. Turns out, it kind of relates to my Open Letter To Black People that I posted for my social media followers yesterday. A woman who chooses to go back, it’s up to her, but is it worth it? Enjoy!


The best way to say “I love you” is changed behavior.
Tried to love you from my heart, but found out soon after.
The best way to love you is to leave you alone.
I’m not trying to figure you out, I’m just too grown.
& when I ask you do you love me, just leave me alone.
Yea you a good actor, but we already know.
You ain’t tryna love me. You just tryna play me.
You tryna get these birds on that skeet skeet skeet.
Bring her to your mom & you’ll see see see.
The feeling you have for her is only temporary.
I caught feelings for her & it’s really scary.
But not the type of feelings that you thinking you see.
This feeling of rage got me going crazy.
I wanna go and find her but don’t wanna seem weak.
My issue is with you but she not innocent as she think.
You just thinking bout’ your life & not the life we make.
Or I make.
But you fake.
Yea you sleep.
But I’m wake.
& I decide to choose you but that’s the risk I take.
© 2019

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When they know they Know

Sometimes you will be confused, melanated gems, why you put yourself out there, and it seems like, people don’t feel the same way about what you do as you do. You put your all into your craft, and the people who you think would love what you do are actually the ones who fall off. It’s not that they don’t know you’re good, they just don’t want it to be you. Remember the pie I talked about in my last blog post? The white supremacy pie that makes everyone who’s not a part of that system fight for one piece? Well, it fuels insecurity and competition.

We already know the statistics, Black women start 763 businesses a day. On a whole, we have to work harder to sustain because we just don’t get the support needed to sustain. I am so happy when I see Black owned businesses because I know what it took to get there. I’m here to tell you that, if the idea was given to you, it’s because you were supposed to fulfill it. What other people say is only their input/opinion, but it is not part of your design. Even the system who rejects you, is not part of your design. Don’t you know, melanated gem, that opposition has to come when you are on the path to greatness, and it may be sad or confusing when it’s your own people, but just remember, we have a lot to do in terms of self love amongst the Black population. Our global self love was robbed from us, you achieving your gift will allow others to achieve the same.

Even though we live in a system that is built for our oppression, we should never, ever, doubt our gifts. People actually know you are good, in fact, you’ve heard it your whole life from unlikely people, you know it’s in your heart every second of the day; and although encouragement is nice, it’s not necessary when you know what you have inside of you. I’ve come to understand that on the road to greatness, opposition comes to force out the greatness in you. I also understand that in my own path, elders always encourage me and recognize the greatness in me, they always encourage me to keep going! Your encouragers are there, just keep them and ignore the rest. Any important, valid feedback will always help build up, it will never tear down.

When they know, they know; but what’s more important is that you know. You know the greatness inside of you, you know what makes you light up, so keep that, and if anyone in your life doesn’t aid in that path, unfortunately, they can go! Your work may benefit them in the long run.

Keep going, warrior, and find out more how to activate the purpose that has always been inside of you by registering for the Dear Black People™ Webinar Series today! 3 weeks and 6 classes left!