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Uncategorized

Choices

The best way to say “I love you” is changed behavior.

Tried to love you from my heart, but found out soon after.

The best way to love you is to leave you alone.

I’m not trying to figure you out, I’m just too grown.

& when I ask you do you love me, just leave me alone.

Yea you a good actor, but we already know.

You ain’t tryna love me. You just tryna play me.

You tryna get these birds on that skeet skeet skeet.

Bring her to your mom & you’ll see see see.

The feeling you have for her is only temporary.

I caught feelings for her & it’s really scary.

But not the type of feelings that you thinking you see.

This feeling of rage got me going crazy.

I wanna go and find her but don’t wanna seem weak.

My issue is with you but she not innocent as she think.

You just thinking bout’ your life & not the life we make.

Or I make.

But you fake.

Yea you sleep.

But I’m wake.

& I decide to choose you but that’s the risk I take. ©

© 2019 Ndidiamaka Nwakalor

Uncategorized

The Moment

The Moment (thoughts of an addict)

*Remember there are many types of addictions*

Whether it’s the fights

The clubs,

The Pipe,

Or just looking for love

Water is what I’m trying to keep my head above,

Searching for that moment, 

Needing that moment, 

Wanting that moment,

Not knowing if you’ll ever get to brerath that moment.

(While) Trying to find out who you are

Healing, but still picking at that same old scar

Opening an unhealing wound

Thats kept you bound wishing you were in the tomb

Maybe this is where my life will go

hoping, but still you will never know

wishing, but your running out of stars

Laughing, but your heart is hardened like tar

Finding that one thing to keep you sane

Its not all I need but I can’t complain

Clubbing every week to keep my mind off things

He doesnt love me but I’m still looking for that diamond ring

The herb takes my mind to another level

I feel relaxed then I halluconate, thought i saw the devil

Always wanna pop off when she gets in my face

I beat her down, I win and all my troubles I erase??

Simple addictions of a broken person trying to find whats right

A moment here, a moment there

I know its wrong but it feels so right

Could it just be that I’m addicted to wanting happiness

I cry I weep, I lose so much sleep

from dealing with all this stress

Or am I just addicted to the moment

the moment that makes me feel care free, its mine so i must own it

Take it for what its worth yet I’m hurting myself and others around me,

why cant I be set free

From this moment?

I know I won’t win if I continue in my sin

Why can’t I be set free from this moment?

Hoping it will go away but it continues to stay

Oh why can’t I just be set free from this moment?

If you could see my emotion

It would be like a junkyard being dumped into the ocean

Im drowning in my thoughts as I begin to sink

my mind goes 20 miles a minute but I still don’t know what to think

Thoughts from the past I try to erase

Dreams of a better day Is all I seem to chase

But somehow I still seem to get caught up in this one moment

Trying to fill my desires

my cravings go higher and higher

in just this one moment

Im going to overcome this moment And rise above it

Take hold of my life and make something of it

If I just hold on and press through 

I know true happiness

Can be so much better than this one moment

Because then I will see life is not peaches and cream

The battles, the trials, the times I wanna scream

I have the power to change and rearrange

and give myself a wider range

of options to succeed and tend to my needs a

and one day pass this lesson down to my seed

I will overcome

I have overcome

My moment is done

And my new life has begun ©

 

Written in 2011 by Ndidi Love