I always say that a relationship is many parts, and I mean it. Relationships need to be addressed according to the needs of the people in it, in my opinion, as I said in Sunday’s blog post, people need to be looking at if they can meet each other’s needs, and asking each other questions to determine that. Back in the day, people married for many reasons; for black people, one of those was financial stability, especially after slavery. Now as I said on Sunday, we cannot always address our relationships like every other race because we have a different set of needs as a people, and these relationships will aid in our healing and liberation as a people. So knowing that, we have to remember that although our ancestors married for monetary stability not too long ago, that we have to move a bit past that, not forget about it, but add on to it to create a wholesome experience for our relationships. We need to be thinking about emotional stability as well. I know what I’m saying, I watch as so many of our people think that toxicity is love, or that some interactions are normal in Black love. The thing is, if it’s toxic, whether your monetarily or socially stable or not, it will crumble. Monetary stability in marriage is irrelevant if you can’t be emotionally stable together.
I think we need to take more seriously our emotional state. Emotionally, it hasn’t gotten easier for Black people. I mean, we can’t even interact normally without thinking in the back of our mind that it could turn into an altercation. We have to be constantly filming our interactions to protect ourselves, not that it drives our every action, but it’s in the back of our head in certain situations. Even myself, having been hit slightly by a white woman’s car and watching her make herself the victim just a couple of months ago, shouting and screaming like a Karen, I was like “what is this behavior?” I say all these things because, it is not normal, our interactions in this society, so if the love doesn’t also bring me healing and peace, I don’t want it. We need to be choosing people for our mental health as well as our ability to build with each other. We have to be looking deeply into how this can affect us long term and not just now. So I say, don’t just focus on what someone is bringing to the table monetarily, focus on what they can bring spiritually, can you lay your head on their shoulder after a long day in Babylon? And this is not just for women, men need a safe space too! Stop making men feel they are only the strong protector while they ignore their emotions to feed yours.
Again, many parts to thee relationships. We need a liberating love, a healing love, a strong love, a stable love. I pray all of you reading find that love, and intentionally, and quickly! ❤️
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