Hello Everybody! This topic comes up a lot, about how to restore unity and love between romantic relationships leading to marraige in the black community. I must be clear, I am talking to those who believe in female and male relationships. I specify that because I think it is important to establish some boundaries around what it means, and meant, to actually build a family. As Pan-Africans, we believe in the way of life that Africans laid a foundation upon before slavery. Society evolves, but there are things that will always remain the same; women are the life givers, and men hold the seed to implant the woman, that will never change. Therefore, within that context, we need to also discuss how we can begin to rebuild meaningfully, outside of the framework of white inferiority masked as supremacy and the standards they have placed upon us through slavery. Our love could literally tear down systems, here’s how…
Everyone is an individual, and we all have ways of life that we grew up with that came with successes and traumas. Depending on the traumas, one may need to be loved differently from the other. We are a unique people indeed, even without slavery, dear Black people. If we weren’t the most unique people in the world, you best believe we wouldn’t have this 401 year story of slavery and oppression, trying to make us hate ourselves from our hair to our feet, did I mention we’re the only people who’s hair grows upwards towards the sun? Anyway, we do not hold ourselves to the same standards of “love”, because we simply need to be loved differently. Excellence + trauma = a special kind of love. We also have the responsibility to pass that ability to love on to our children. Black love is 2 Black people, this special kind of love cannot be accomplished interracially with white people because the interracial relations haven’t healed, and 2 people of different races in “love” won’t fix it. We need whole healthy Black people to Love each other in the way we need to be loved. Even if they are not whole, the love needs to help make us whole. Once we are whole as a people, then we can talk about healing between another race, but we haven’t even healed ourselves, which is fine, we are getting there.
Here’s something to think about. Imagine someone who is overcoming an injury trying to train another injured person, not only will they not be able to, but they’ll further damage themselvs in the process, because they are stressing on unhealed wounds. It’s the same with black people, everytime we try to heal with other races or be inclusive in struggles, it backfires. Anytime a person tries to marry interracially with white people, it backfires on the children; I have heard multiple stories of white people with half black childen that were still racist overall to other black people or were jealous of their own children. Fantasies won’t do, we need real healing love between black people and black couples. I am not telling people who to love, but if we’re going to build up strong black communities and even repatriate to Africa, we need to focus on Black love.
So there are many people who subscribe to all these identities. In reality, I’m African and African centered, I don’t need a label. I’m really Pan-African but I’ll never say that outside of my own platform because people are very obsessed with labels who don’t actually do any work, I do the work. Anyway, there has been a conversation about feminism and “pick me”, alpha male and “simp”. I couldn’t tell you the actual definitions because it all seems very immature to me but a lot of Pan-Africans have had debates about how these labels either build up or tear down Black families moving forward. Again, we are a unique people, with all our history, we have to look at building through generational eyes. We have to communicate how we want to build, how we want to be loved, and recognize that a relationship is not only built on love. People are to busy following a false sense of attraction that is based on what eyes can see, not realizing that attraction can be built over time through communication and experiences (ex. When you all experience a situation that shows your character, that can be attractive and make you see the person in a different light that you may not have seen just looking at them 1 or 2 times). How can this person enhance you, enhance your kids? People think dating culture is it, but if you are serious about building, seeing each person as a potential spouse is necessary. We can’t tear down this system and take Africa back if we’re looking at everything superficially.
So again, deal with the person in front of you, don’t try to fit them into labels based on this superficial society. Ok the man is not an alpha male, but he’s attentive, caring, responsible, and has a plan for his future, you come along with the same qualities and boom, it’s a hit! We need to focus on loving the person through what can be excellence hindered by traumas in society, and helping the person become their best selves, and vice versa. Isn’t that a story you’d much rather tell your children, rather than “we came together and were perfect everyday of the week, he was a simp I was a pick me”, lol. “We came together and communicated, learned how to love each other and built everything we have together”, sounds better, you get the point.