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#SoulfulSundays – Africanity and balance between women & men…

“Strong Black woman” did not come from feminism, it’s been here since the beginning of time. Our strength is what has sustained us, and coupled with mans strength we build nations. We can be soft and healing to each other at home, and a united strong force to the world. A multifaceted woman will be all things, and her man will be the lucky person to see all sides of her – feminine and gentle at home, while receiving that masculine gentleness at home as well.

Men have been taught not to be emotional but I believe men should be able to carry and cover their woman’s emotions as well, as women have covered & carried men’s; a woman cannot bear the burden of emotions alone. Neither women or men have all the answers in their relationship, and each will need their time to be vulnerable and weak. Patriarchy is so wild that it made people believe that the gender who is responsible for life entering the world needs to be lead somewhere, where are we being lead to? Our minds and bodies have the capacity to give life, we are capable of leading in decisions as a team, just as we were leading our lives as single women (shout out to the women visionaries living unapologetically, your visions are valid and will change the world).

People have attached the word strength to a man, that is why strength is seen as masculine. There is women’s strength, and men’s strength, but together it builds nations. Clearly, men and women are physically different and have different bodily functions and energies. What happened is capitalism changed the dynamics of relationships and monetized the actions of men and women in relationships. I believe that, even men at home don’t have to be strong 24/7. Love itself is a safe place, healing place, building place, and home can be a place to be free and rest to build back up to be strong for the world.

Women and men should be there for each other according to their needs. It’s not just that men provide, African women have always worked. It is clear in how women currently run the marketplace in Africa, as well as how I witnessed the precolonial tribe of Himba women contribute to physical labor as well. Not being strong all the time does not make a man weak, I shouldn’t need a man to be strong 24/7, what are we even fighting at home? We are taking care of each other watching movies eating popcorn and strategizing/building. What you’re good at, contribute to it! We help each other. The only reason I feel some men stress they need peace and need a woman to be quiet is because he is not doing right. Women always know, just be honest & there’ll be peace. Miscommunications may happen but that’s human nature and doesn’t have to be toxic.

I’ve seen men lie and cheat, and be mad that their wife is reacting. I feel some men just want to do what they want without being questioned, and that’s not how life works. I’ve never seen a good man stress his need for peace, because he IS peace. Dear men, break from the shackles of patriarchy. Men are used to tripping on women’s emotions, but a woman who knows herself won’t let you play your silly game. Is that what you’re running from? Just tell the truth & treat a woman as a human, it may work. Yes, I have a word for women too – men aren’t machines to be overworked and looked to for all the answers.

The only imbalance between African women and men is that men haven’t learned to balance and enhance the strength of African women, and instead have tried to shame us for it. Us women have tried to shame vulnerable men and force strength, 24/7. We can be all things, and balance each other. We were all given something to contribute to the world, it’s not burdensome if we find the right people to build with. In reality, our purpose doesn’t stop, it just grows when we marry. In singleness, we all have a purpose too, so anyone in our life, friend or spouse, should add to us – our well being, mental health, and purpose, everything with intention.

I believe there is 1 true person to help us live out our vision and purpose, and others who can get close. But the 1? The visions would match and enhance each other’s, I believe. It doesn’t mean you need a spouse for your purpose, it’s just that a spouse is to enhance and not drain. Others who are close but not the 1, would just require extra effort on our part. Ultimately, the purpose is enhanced & continued with the children, I believe, and even if a wrong spouse is chosen, all hope is not lost, it just takes a lot of self correcting and intentional spiritually to get the bloodline back on track, like I did, and now I am ready to match my purpose with the right 1. I also, through my work, wish to help people find their true purpose, as I believe it is key in finding a true spouse. That is why my class Decolonize Your Mind™, helps people do just that. Everything I do is attached. Check it out!

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