The relationship between Black people & white people is like a bad relationship between a pick-me female and a narcissist male. Both know the relationship is toxic but they won’t leave one another alone. The pick-me female is Black people, and the narcissistic male is white people. The narcissist literally found his woman happy living her life, and brainwashed her to be loyal and subservient to him. She has tried to leave many times, but he lures her back in with gaslighting and promises of stability that he knows he will never create. He has typical narcissistic behavior of course, as he acts like he cares about her feelings and problems, but as soon as she’s back in his grip, he’s back to his old ways. Everyone around her can see that she is not meant for him, but she has yet to see it, her worth is wrapped up in him. He has isolated her from her family (Africa), and hasn’t allowed them to have any influence on her for fear that she’ll realize her worth and leave him. Sis is tired, but she feels like she cannot survive without him, and no man will now want her with this baggage. She lies to herself that it will get better, with help from his false promises, but inside it doesn’t feel right. The guy is dependent on her instability, he knows if she leaves then he’ll have to face his own trauma, and build back from scratch; he may not be able to face it, and he’ll therefore go and look for another female to brainwash.
Dear Black people, we are worth so much. In richness, in spirit, in creativity. We were created by God and have shaped the depths of this earth with our creativity. We understand our power, but we are afraid of what will happen if we lose our financial and somewhat moral “dependency” on white corporations, dollars, and in some ways culture – capitalism that is – that has been built with our labor. We don’t need inclusion, inclusion means that they’ll “let us in” at their own pace. We must include ourselves, with the table we built, and sit side by side as equal powers at these tables. What is the fear? I’ve seen the smartest, most successful Black people (to include Africans and other members of the diaspora), still depend on whiteness as the standard of life. Who made them your God? I have asked people this question for years, if the God you serve that you have faith in to do all things created you, then why don’t you believe in your abilities past the standards of whiteness? Black Christians specifically, God is God of all, so why look at your worth in the eyes of a system that is anti-black. Who made you?
The relationship between whiteness and blackness is the most toxic relationship known to man. Then, when people like myself decolonize our minds and live life according to how God created us to be, people wonder, how? How can I proclaim such great faith and live it? How can I consistently overcome when people doubt? I know that the God of my ancestors, the God who my ancestors served by faith alone when there was no bible, no written word, is a God of redemption. But people can’t see others past the frame of capitalism. My worth is beyond and far more expensive than any price man can put on me; I know that and I walk in it; I use my gift effortlessly and I can’t be bought or sponsored. I’ll never forget the day when a complete stranger told me “I like the way you move, I can tell it is not the work of man, but the work of God”. I have turned away money that could’ve helped me start my own non-profit, and left situations on my own terms that do not align with the values I believe in. I have lived and have seen that anything I have given up in the name of morality has been replaced with something greater. The brainwashing that comes with fear of your colonizer will not allow you to fully be free. There are social media protesters who won’t stand up to injustice when it looks them in the face. Your everyday interactions with people are defined by your interpretation of where they fall in the line of capitalism. You ain’t that royal, if your royalty requires that you treat another ethnicity better than your own. Treat your Black neighbor with respect before protesting on the frontlines to the world that they should treat us with respect; and stand up for what’s right at all times; not just in 140 characters.
How do I know? I know because the arguments amongst us have become about who is worthy of redemption. However, we must align ourselves with values that bring us together. How do you think colonization has worked for hundreds of years? Because as you can see, white people have been very intentional about protecting one another. Many times they haven’t protected each other in the right things, but they protect the very systems that benefit them. I have had actual conversations with Black people who think only elite Black people deserve redemption. I said; “do you know there are white people who benefit from white privilege but haven’t earned it?” Who am I to say what Black person is worthy of what? This is why I treat the Janitor with the same respect that I treat the CEO, because what we do owe one another is decent human respect. We (not I) have walked around disrespecting each other but have shown white people the utmost respect simply because of their whiteness. We have invited everyone to the cookout simply because they posted a Black Lives Matter status. The cookout is above capacity, the cookout is closed. Please, we have run out of food. The cookout ended when we were stolen from our homeland, we have to build our own house first before inviting people over; would you invite someone to your unfinished house?
How do we build our house? We have to have loving, uplifting conversations with one another, I have had no problem greeting the man with his pants sagging to the ground with the utmost respect, making sure he feels heard; or my sis with the “ratchet” attitude, making sure she understands she is beautifully human. I use those examples because these are the people we have shunned in the Black community. But we have so many levels to our dysfunction – African vs. African American, Jamaican vs. Haitian, light skin vs. dark skin, Black men publicly humiliating black women, colorism, bougie vs. ghetto, labels vs. non labels (knowing dang well these labels don’t love us). So many, and I am sure I missed some, but we have to do the work to build with each other. We should hire one another, buy from one another, and employ one another when we start businesses. FOR EXAMPLE: When I was employed in a position to help run an internship program for a corporation of 13,000, I used my position to specifically pick out resumes based on qualifications, I did not look at the names at all; because of this, some of the interns that were picked had very Black names (what some call made up names) and they were some of my best interns. My director specifically stated that in all the years of that internship, I came in and created a new trajectory for the whole program.
When we get in positions, we can’t be afraid to use our voice to make change. I find myself by myself all the time in this position, I have gained respect, but also been ostracized, and lied on for standing up for what’s right for Black people, – and I’ll do it again – because Black people have become so accustomed to the approval of whiteness, that aligning ourselves with what’s right in spite of has become taboo. I look past whiteness, all I see is a human that’s doing wrong, and my God that has my back. Will I ever stop? No. However, I will align myself only with those that have the same courage, and continue to urge others to have the same courage. This is not about me, this is about what we will do to obtain our freedom, and what we will do after we get our freedom. We have to end this toxic relationship, we have to have the faith that has been in us, we have to end this dependency on whiteness. Everyone keeps telling me about what white people are doing during this time, and I keep telling them “I don’t care, tell me about what you are doing”. What we do will sustain, we can’t depend on alliances to bring us justice. Look up “Interest Convergence Theory”; after all the gaslighting is done, the narcissist will always revert back to his old ways. Wake up, sis!